Over the past few weeks I led an aggressive PR campaign to promote an event that I was hosting. My press release was featured prominently in the local paper, my posters were tacked up all over town, and my FB boost was seen by over 1,000 people in my target audience.
Sadly the turnout was underwhelming.
I was frustrated that I put so much effort into reaching out only to feel like no one had seen me. I was visibly deflating as the start time ticked closer, and ticked past.
I decided to use the short delay to scrap the speech I had prepared and rewrite something a little more personalized for the group I saw before me. I spoke about not being deterred, about using this as an opportunity to learn, and about appreciating those who did show up. I’d like to say I spoke from the heart, but I wasn’t feeling it. I was still disappointed.
As a leader, I felt it was my responsibility to share these thoughts that I had not yet embraced, for everyone else’s sake. It’s not inspiring to focus on negativity, and I knew I would get over it soon. (While I’m not a big fan of “fake” anything, I do have a healthy appreciation for the phrase “fake it ’til you make it.”)
For the rest of the night (and maybe into the next day), I allowed myself to be disappointed, but then I put it aside and began to focus on something more positive. I have come to understand that it’s ok to feel disappointed, or mad or sad or embarrassed–all of these are inevitable throughout our lives–but once we acknowledge these feelings we can let them go.
Check out Alison Ledgerwood’s talk about what happens when we dwell on negative thoughts:
Just as it’s more important to ask “what” rather than “why”, we also need to question the rationality of the little voice in our head. No matter how accomplished or practical or meticulous we are, our thoughts can still lie to us.
After my event I kept having the thought “no one showed up”, but then I stopped myself. I recognized this as the “Always or Never” Automatic Negative Thought (ANT) (How to Develop Your Own Internal Anteater to Eradicate Automatic Negative Thoughts). When I looked at the situation realistically I was able to see that it wasn’t true at all. In reality lots of people had shown up…it just wasn’t the amount I had hoped for. With more clarity I began to think about the people who had shown up and how the event had benefited them. I started focusing on new ideas for engaging those people and the next thing I knew I was no longer bothered by the fact that my expectations had not been met. (Perhaps they were unrealistic in the first place!) ANT squashed.
It seems apropros that I received a link this article today: Why Your Massive Failure Might Be A Gift From the Universe. In it Srinivas so clearly lays out the benefits of failure and how it makes us better, if only we embrace it.
Next time you are faced with underwhelming results, allow yourself to feel disappointed, but then allow yourself to think clearly, to see new opportunities, and to grow stronger.
We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.
– Martin Luther King Jr.