I haven’t been posting as much lately because I’ve had a lot on my plate. If I’m being honest: I can’t do everything all the time. Instead of staying up even later and fretting about how I’ll find time to post, I’ve just tried to let it be.
Whenever I start to feel guilty about not doing something I have to ask myself: Where is the law that says it needs to be done that way? Often my self-imposed “unwritten” laws are not very practical to accomplish anyway! Is it even possible to be dedicated to building a start-up + be there for my children + be there for my husband + practice self care + process the loss of a family member + serve on multiple non-profit boards + keep in touch with friends + train a puppy + create at least one original and inspiring post every week?
The truth is that there is no law that says I have to do all of this AND be the BEST at ALL of it ALL the time. A better way for me to look at it is: if it aligns with my values then I will make time for it; but it doesn’t have to be be perfect and it doesn’t all have to happen right now. No one is going to die because I didn’t publish fresh content last week.
It’s important to recognize that life has ebbs and flows and sometimes we have to give ourselves a break and just ride the wave, or appreciate the stillness. When we have too many things on our plate it’s less important to do it all and more important to let go of expectations, to allow a moment of rest, and to focus on what matters most.
According to an article about stress in the Harvard Business Review (The Busier You Are, the More You Need Quiet Time), studies show that “taking time for silence restores the nervous system, helps sustain energy, and conditions our minds to be more adaptive and responsive to the complex environments in which so many of us now live, work, and lead” (Talbot-Zorn and Marz, 2017).
In other words, when we allow ourselves a moment of rest–instead of trying catch up on another item on our to-do list–our bodies and minds become healthier and more resilient.
We may even become more creative.
“When we’re constantly fixated on the verbal agenda—what to say next, what to write next, what to tweet next—it’s tough to make room for truly different perspectives or radically new ideas.” (Talbot-Zorn and Marz, 2017) But when we slow down we listen more and see more. Pausing to allow input leads to making more connections and forming higher quality output.
I spent years feeding my anxiety by constantly thinking about what to do next. I wanted to think of everything and I wanted it all to be perfect. I was able to accomplish a lot, much like Joshua Kendall illustrates in his book, America’s Obsessives: The Compulsive Energy That Built a Nation (2018). Kendall coins the term “obsessive innovator” to describe people who “possess the grandiosity and self-absorption characteristic of narcissists…[but are] driven primarily by their particular obsessions and compulsions.” He offers detailed analysis of a handful of American icons who epitomize this connection between “remitting internal pressures and extraordinary external achievements” — including Thomas Jefferson, Melvil Dewey, and Charles Lindberg. The results of their obsession are often monumental: the Declaration of Independence, the Dewey Decimal System, and preflight checks.
But what I’ve realized is that this type of productivity comes at a cost. Many of the icons in Kendall’s book were often referred to as loners. They placed their obsessions above their relationships. Many acted violently and unpredictably, and as a result their family and friends suffered. One example from Kendall’s book, Estee Lauder, even committed suicide.
Before I decided to prioritize relationships I allowed my perfectionist personality to rule my decision-making. My body became stiff with intensity and my mind seemed to separate from my body entirely. I was more concerned with impressing people than I was with making friends, and as one might expect, I had few.
At some point I decided that it wasn’t worth it. I now prioritize my own mental health and the health of my relationships with others. While many great things have come from obsessive innovators, I don’t believe that compulsiveness is a requirement for success. Instead of idolizing Steve Jobs and the all-or-nothing mentality that brought him success, I prefer to take my cues from leaders like Obama, Gates, and Winfrey –all of whom make time for themselves (and all are of whom are still on their first marriage!)
It’s a fine balance, being dedicated and thoughtful enough to give life to innovation, yet also being grounded enough to appreciate what you have.
Today I’m going to remind myself that I don’t have to do it all right now. I’m going to take a moment to let go and just enjoy the ride. There are no laws dictating my next move and as Arianna Huffington knows, “there [is] exactly enough time for the important things in [my] life.”